The Return of Navi
by Hylian Rider
Summary: No point, No plot, No reason to read, but of course you'll be smart and read it anyway. Just a sequel to some really random humor, read the death of navi first or you won't get it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: starting over again.

Link awoke is a place that he'd seen once before, he'd must have died. Now he was back here.

"OH NO, NO NO NO NO NO!" Link moaned. "DON'T EVEN SAY WE ARE DOING A SEQUEL WHAT DID I DO TO YOU!"

"Shut up! I liked the first one. So I'm gonna put you through hell again." Said the writer. Link looked hard and saw a glowing blue light.

"Hey listen!"

"Crap." Link said. Knowing what that sound meant.

"Linky poo, I'm here too!" Said the demon fish.

"Double crap!" Link said.

"Prepare for the worst speech of your life. From me the mighty owl."

"Triple crap."

"Oh Link, I the princess of Hyrule, want my revenge."

"Double the triple crap." Link said very said.

"OH OH MR. FAIRY."

"Hey Listen." Navi doesn't like being left out.

"I wish I could threaten you but my butt is just too big." We all know who that is.

"MY TREE CURSE THE DAY!"

"You gotta be kidding my." Link pulled out his sword and quickly stabbed Ruto in the head, she let it happen. She suddenly re-spawned next to Link.

"ISN'T THIS GREAT NOW WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER!"

"Dude this is so un-freaking fair." Link moaned.

"Oh yes it is, you see you killed us and took us out of the world therefore, you were killed to be annoyed for all entirety by us. You see because even if you kill use we spawn right where we were when we were killed because this is the afterlife. So killing us does no actual good, because we spawn again right next to you. To spawn means to reappear. So we will reappear next to you. Do you understand?" Asked Keaporea Geaporea.

"Link your so beautiful. Your so utterly beautiful. I feel so lucky to have you be mine, I just I don't know how to say the words."

"I do," Said Link. "Not at all."

"You see you killed us and took us out of the world therefore, you were killed to be annoyed for all entirety by us. You see because even if you kill use we spawn right where we were when we were killed because this is the afterlife. So killing us does no actual good, because we spawn again right next to you. To spawn means to reappear. So we will reappear next to you. Do you understand?"

"Hey listen." Ruto start hugging Link tightly.

"Shh.. I understand I don't need to say anything, you already understand." She said.

"I really hate my life." Said Link.

"Actually you see your dead so you hate your death. Which is good cause I hate suicidal people." Zelda said and hugged him. "You know Ruto is right. You are nice."

"Ew.. Gross, you've been with Ruto too long." Link stabbed them both. They both appeared right next to him.

"Hey listen."

"Mr. Fairy. Mr. Fairy."

"You see you killed us and took us out of the world therefore, you were killed to be annoyed for all entirety by us. You see because even if you kill use we spawn right where we were when we were killed because this is the afterlife. So killing us does no actual good, because we spawn again right next to you. To spawn means to reappear. So we will reappear next to you. Do you understand?"

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT THE FRICK UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Link cried, with very little dignity.

"Aw.. my poor baby. I love you it's ok." Said Ruto.

"Yeah you'll be ok." Said Zelda. Link sat and wept because, he knew there was no way to escape this hell.

"I'm a big blubber nugget!"

"Hey listen."

"You see you killed us and took us out of the world therefore, you were killed to be annoyed for all entirety by us. You see because even if you kill use we spawn right where we were when we were killed because this is the afterlife. So killing us does no actual good, because we spawn again right next to you. To spawn means to reappear. So we will reappear next to you. Do you understand?"

"NO! I'm sorry I'll never kill anyone ever again, I will even stop using the bathroom outside. Just let me OUT." Sorry that's not within power.

"Hey listen."

"I swear I am actually a blubber nugget." Said the Zora King.

"I hate you stupid writer."

"Yeah well start the freaking club. People want this story so I'm going to give them what they want live with it." Said the writer.

"Couldn't you at least make me more you know heroic?" Asked Link, looking at his puny muscles.

"You have a freaking sword shut up or I'll take that away." Link shut up.

"Hey listen."

"Yeah I am a blubber nugget, don't believe me look at my official card. See creature - Blubber nugget. HA!"

"Mr. fairy. MR. FAIRY."

"I love you Link." Said Zelda.

"But not as much as me." Said Ruto.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1: Now what can Link do?

Warning: Gorge W. Bush is not in here because I hate him. (I'm not fond of him but) I just put him in here for the humor.

Link was struggling to run hard and far from Ruto and Zelda, of course this did no more good then putting out fire with gasoline.

"Don't you ever even go to the bathroom?"

"We're dead now, we don't have to pee." Said Ruto. Link dropped a bomb killing both of his stalkers, of course both appeared right in front of him again. Link began having some fun actually killing them.

"Twenty four," And hacked off Zelda's head, she re-appeared. "Twenty five." Off went her head again. Ruto's shortly followed it. Both respawned.

"Twenty eight." Said Link getting rid of Ruto's head. Link eventually got bored of this.

"Hey listen." Then Link decided to try and play his ocarina for a while.

"Why would I do that?" Link asked.

"Because I am the writer and I can make life very unpleasant for you." Said the Hylian rider.

"Don't you mean death?" Asked Link. The writer grabbed a pen and wrote something down. Suddenly The president of the united states (though Link didn't know him) walked into the room and started his long made speech.

"America is put under pressure from the violent games of children. These children are the future possible threats to America. These games teach the children rape and murder."

"What is this dude talking about?" Link asked. Bush then started singing, Sunday, bloody sunday. Link plugged his ears, and blocked out all sound for several hours.

"Dude you saw it, yeah I was interviewed for 'I am a blubber nugget monthly.' Twenty rupees pal." Link cried. Link ran in circles for a few moments then cried again.

"Dude shut up you got all the ladies." Said the man with the dead tree.

"...What?" Asked Link.

"Uh... I mean... MY TREE CURSE THIS DAY!" Then Link yelled as loud as he could.

"DUDE I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!"

"Link, honey what's wrong?"

"I REBEL AGAINST THIS OUTRAGE!"

"What are you rebelling against?" Asked tingle.

"Hey listen."

"If only I could." Said Zelda.

"So, what are you rebelling against?" Asked Ruto.

"What do you got?"

"Hey listen."

"We have an annoying fairy." Said King Zora.

"Ok, I'll rebel against that." Link responded putting on a thick leather jacket. Ruto and Zelda started the classic 'I love a guy in leather' speech and Link start reacting crap from the Matrix. Hey, he was weightless; why wouldn't he.

"HEY I happen to like those movies." Said the writer.

"Dude, revolutions sucked. Not to mention plot took a dive off the deep end in reloaded." The writer whipped out his pen again and wrote. King Zora suddenly had a strange crave to wear high fashiony like purple dresses.

"Thanks for screwing up my childhood." Said Link, but as he was now at least 17 (there's too much argument to pick an exact age) nobody really listened to him, besides Zelda and Ruto who'd both listen to Link say that the grass was green.

"Hey listen."

"Hey Zelda, Ruto, guess what. Grass is green."

"Wow!" Thus my point is made.

"Dude, your freaking lame." said Bush, who was now trying to be, excuse my language... hip.

"Yeah well your total wacko slacko." said Link, having listened to too much rap, (A/N ANY RAP IS TOO MUCH!)

"Can't spell rap without crap!"

"Hey listen."

"Rap stands for retards attempting poetry." Bush now walked adding, "Blubber nugget tuesday!"

END of chap 2

Ok, well there's more randomness, there's no plot, no point, and no good facts, and it has many oddball fans, tune in next month or so and I will have updated maybe, It won't take as long as this one anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2:

"Dude, fozzile the wizzle up the pizzle." Bush said, again excuse my lingo but he was trying to be "hip."

"Hey listen." Link was making air - angles, a stupid thing; as the angle went away faster then he could make it. Ruto and Zelda however were Link's ever-present supporters. Gannon was playing bag-pipes gotten from some illegal action that nobody dared ask about. Blubber nugget king man was taking photos of himself for magazines, which will NEVER be published on earth. EVER. If you want one; seek counseling, very heavy amounts of it too.

"My poor poor tree, it was so young. I didn't even know you had been smoking, it happened so fast. Are you happy now God? Now you've made a world without trees! Or at least my tree. Who's gonna bring me joy now? Now you've made a world without good trees. OH my tree. WHY?! WHY!? Oh poor tree."

"R2 D2 where are you?" Link gets bored. Very very bored. So bored that he in fact decided to become immensely rich and famous. Before giving it all to Aaron Carter. Who later got eye contacts, and became Jessie McCartney.

"Dude, I hate you!" said Link. "Stupid writer."

"Yeah well get in line, your the 6th person who wants to have me dead."

"Hey listen."

"If you can do anything kill the fairy." Navi suddenly spluttered and died.

"YAY!!!" Everyone in the area yelled, except Ganon, who was playing the bagpipes with renewed vigor. Suddenly Navi began breathing and started her stupid idea with a new passion.

"Hey listen."

"...Stupid writer." said Link.

"Stupid Link." said the writter. Link drew his blade, before it turned into a giant rubber Chicken, rendering it useless.

"Dude, useless? I think not, this will be fun at parties. whoo hoo chicken butt." Of course if Link uses the chicken butt for um... alone time then things are gonna get creepy, and my friend the fairy is gonna lose a bet.

"Hey listen Link isn't romantic, he can't even woo that chicken."

"It's true." Link began proposing to the chicken, which turned back into the master sword, and whacked him on the head. Link started writing "I love you" on several slips of paper. Finally after several pieces of the papers were slashed, Link seemed to get a clue.

"Fine forget you, Zelda come on we're going out." Zelda jumped for joy and wrapped her arms around Link. Link kept glancing over his shoulder at his sword.

"Ok... now this is weird. Link your freaking in love with Zelda." said the writer of the story, who has no real life.

"No I am NOT. I," The writer raised his pen. "Am suddenly totally in love with you Zel."

"Aw... that's such a cute nickname for me Link." Ruto was weeping and yelling at Zelda. Zelda was in her own little world as she started to explain her plans for the wedding ceremony, while Link was being inwardly thankful that the revolting mohawk he'd given her had turned out to grow back into her original hair in fact her was quite happy with her appearance and was also happy she didn't keep popping the 'what's the last thing I said' question. This meant that he could tune her out and she would never know.

"Ew.. now I officially hate you." In that moment, in which everything seemed bad and Gannon's bagpipes were punishable by law, nothing changed. At all. What a boring place this is, so the writer made it more interesting. The gang suddenly was in a high paying burger joint.

"Gang what are we all little boys on the street now?" asked Link.

"Yeah man, I remember this place, my tree once went here, it's been here all through the timeline."

"Time... line?" asked Ruto. "Time isn't made out of lines, it is made out of circles, that is why clocks are round."

"I think that the guy without a name--" Link began before being interpreted.

"What guy?" asked Gannon.

"Shut up for one second and I'll tell you."

"Hey listen."

"What?" asked Gannon.

"Ok, that's it. I swear Gannondorf. When we're done here, you butt is haunted. Seriously I am gonna haunt you all the way to heaven. And you know what? I may not even stop there."

"Link dear," Zelda began.

"DARN IT DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO INTERRUPT ME?!" asked the man with the dead tree.

"You weren't talking, oh and your name is now fluffy."

"_Fluffy?!" _asked everyone.

"FLUFFY, the guy who only loves his tree." Link said proudly.

"He's got to have a name, let's ask him. Hey dude what's your name?" asked Zelda.

"My poor tree."

"No not tree, name... name... I'm Zelda, this is Link, that crabby crappy pants."

"Hey" said Ruto.

"Well that's what we call you." said Link.

"NOT ME. I call you miss. CC." said the man with the tree. This began a very quiet, and awkward moment.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3:

Thus began a very awkward moment.

"Thus a gay baby is born!" cried Link.

"Hey listen."

"What did that mean?" asked Ruto.

"It means that Navi wants you to listen to her say what you already know."

"Not Navi Link, the Gay baby thing, every time there is a long awkward long pause, a gay baby is born according to science." explained Zelda.

"Yeah science that doesn't believe in blugger nuggets." Link walked around. Being bored he proposed that the treeless man should be called Fluffy again. As nobody but Zelda (whom nobody listens to) had a better name they used fluffy. Link became extremly happy and sang 99 bottles of that dog crap I found last week on teh wall, Bush joined in, and no matter what you say, they managed to do it, in tune. Don't freaking ask how.

"Now if I went to the pub and drank and then blew up africa, I'm covered?" asked Ruto, whom was buying insurance.

"Africa? Of course! Now Austria, you'll have to buy extended policy." said Bush.

"And if I get that I get covered for Nuke usage?"

"Depending from the launch point. If outside of America then it doesn't matter cause nobody cares about anywhere else, and if it's inside of America then nobody will dare stop you cause I'll blow 'em up." said the president, smiling with a cocky grin.

"What if your people won't let you?"

"...What are you stupid? I do what I want why I want, when I want. God bless America! Out!" Bush suddenly vanished.

"Hey listen!"

"No I got a better idea, " Link said breaking into song. Gannon joined in.

"I went to the bathroom at age 42. Hurrah hurrah!

By the time I got out I was 39 Hurrah hurrah!

I needed a shave and my cat had died and I found that my eggs have fried and I'm going hunting leprechauns.

My house was mess and my bills were unpaid hurrah! hurrah!

I guess all-in-all it's really the same hurrah! hurrah!

I'm still unemployed but i don't pay bills. There's a leprechaun over the hills and I'm going hunting leprechauns.

I never got out of junior high hurrah hurrah!

I was thaught by my mom who is a guy, hurrah? hurrah?

My friends all said they didn't exist it is they whom say be... MAD! and I'm going hunting leprechauns.

People ask me what weapon I use.

I use a ten-gauge-shotgun-that-also-fires-one-22-milliameter-bullet-that-I-used-in-the-great-battle-of-Alabama-and-saved-twelve-puppies-with-the-code-word-spuds- so I never lose hurrah! hurrah!

I couldn't think of another thing so I'll just go and wing this---- boring last part-----------------" Everyone applauded loudly except for the big blubber nugget because he had so many rolls he couldn't put his hands together, that "totally messed up" his childhood, or so he claims.

"Hey listen."

"NO NO NO NO NO!!!" said everyone.

"I want me tree santy clause."

"The night went crazy!

The night saint nick went crazy."

"Link?! What are you singing? That's like swearing!"

"Singing 'the night santa went crazy' by weird al."

"Can't be as weird as you are Santa hater."

"Dude Santa ain't given you squat this year. You know why? He ain't real!"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! Shun the nonbeliever!!"

"SHUNNNNNNNNNNNN" said everybody there, except the blubber nugget king, who'd finally achived what he'd threated to do from the age of 3 onward, this was to become so big he would lack the ability to open his mouth. No mild threat sense he was now 1000 years old. Long living Zoras.

There's your new chappie and don't listen to Link, Santa is real! He's real! lol. Ok now I'm offically insane. Well happy holidays or Christmhannquansa or whatever you wanna call it. Have a good time. WITHOUT EGGNOG! Aw forget go drink it have fun. Drunks. Yes you are, if you weren't you wouldn't have read this far into the A/N, OK JUST LEAVE NOW, EITHER TO THE NEXT CHAPTER OR IF I HAVEN'T POSTED IT JUST GO AWAY. What are you still doing here, man leeches. Well here's a disclaimer.

disclaimer. "I own nothing but the non-existant plot and the hunting leprechaun song. which went to the tune of ' when the saints go marching in' so I don't own that either."

Happy holidays. Fellow freaks.


	5. Chapter 5

"Im going to try and end this hell if it's the last thing I do." Link said.

"Not if the penguins that control Russian spy forces decide that I am allowed to fly." Gannondorf said.

"Hey listen." Navi began to fly in clockwise circles adding a counter-clockwise circle every eighth clockwise one. Nobody really understood the purpose of it, but nobody ever understood anything Navi ever did. So nobody was really bothered.

"I'm bothered by this" said JK Roling. Because the circle description and pattern was her words. "That is a copyright infringement."

"But however I can't say that I own ANYTHING in the story because the characters aren't mine anyway." said the writer. "Plus the plot doesn't exist. I mean it, in all honesty I'm just making this up as I go along, I don't know why I get the spare crazy person who reads this crap."

"Hey can we please focus on my blubber?" asked King Zora.

"There once was a tree that stood proud and tall, but then Link came and killed me..."

"WTF? Were you just trying to make poetry? That was terrible." Zelda said. "Poetry needs to come from the heart and be strong and--"

"Yeah yeah yeah, shut up! My tree would've understood."

"Fohizzle my Zizzling wizzle fordizzle!" said Link.

"...I think rap uses too many Z's" said the writer. "Plus it's 11:30 at night, and I'm writing about people with no lives... what does that make me?"

"Stupid now shut your trap or I'll have Ruto slit your neck while your asleep!" said Gannon.

"Hey listen! Hey listen! You mother $# start your listening or I'm gonna stick my $TER STINKING $T$$ right up &(&(& mother YI&& Link's (&& YOU &(&A(&(&(... wow, I'm sorry. I lost control."

"..." Link said.

"..." Zelda said.

"..." King Zora said.

"..." Fluffy said.

"..." The owl said.

"..." Tingle said.

"..." The announcer said.

"Shut up mom! I take the trash out in the morning." The writer said. And so everyone suffered forever, because the writer became too lazy to finish this story... THE END. go screw yourself too.


End file.
